Amanda Hopper Writes

A writer's tale of living and working in the country.

My Own T.V. Show

A recent conversation over mini wheats on a Thursday morning:
Grant: “I don’t want to go to school!”
Me: “You only have two days until Spring Break.”
Grant: “I should invent a time machine to take me forward to Saturday. Wait, then I would get zeros for today and tomorrow. (Incoherent mumbling) I guess I’ll have to create a fast-growing clone and then invent a time machine.
Me: “Why can’t you just fake a tummy ache like normal children?!”

Because I don’t have normal children. On most days I feel more like the director of a reality T.V. show involving the Muppets than a stay-at-home mom of three boys. On the days when crying is unacceptable, I pretend that Grant is Beaker, Sam is Animal and Ian is Kermit. I can even be heard humming the theme song under my breath on a regular basis.

A perfect example would be the very same morning that the above conversation took place. We pulled up to the elementary school and Animal and Kermit both jumped out after placing wet kisses on my cheek. I peeked into the back seat and saw that Kermit had forgotten his lunch box, so I rolled down the window and yelled for them to come back. Kermit ran toward me with arms and legs flailing wildly while Animal missed the curb and smacked face-first into the passenger side window.
I waited patiently while the door handle was half-heartedly pulled a dozen times and uncontrolled laughter pelted the truck from outside. Shaking my head, I rolled down the window and handed the lunch box to the two figures who were now panting and bent in half laughing with fingers pointed at each other.
Then it started to rain.

Beaker noticed that my windshield wiper was standing at a strange angle to the glass and decided that it had to be fixed before the vehicle could proceed. So he got out and worked on reattaching the wiper blade, ignoring the long line of vehicles waiting behind us. I waved apologetically to the cars that sped around us, apparently they could not see the humor in my situation.
Thankfully my show does not have audience feedback. I doubt it could be heard over the chaos anyway.


  1. I love it! (Especially since my 4 boys are now grown men with boys of their own) Did I ever mention the "Frogs in the living room incident?" Or the "Jumping off the roof backwards episode?" (Hey, anyone can jump off frontwards.)

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