Amanda Hopper Writes

A writer's tale of living and working in the country.

Sweet Revenge

Owning land in Texas means eventually crossing paths with Honey Locust trees. There is a reason they thrive in the drought-ridden scorching heat…they are evil.

Plucked-from-the-depths-of-hell evil.

Imagine giants covered with armies of miniature soldiers all wielding swords, ready to defend themselves from any unknowing creature that happens by, and only naive creatures go near them because once you’ve tangled with a Honey Locust you will avoid them like the plague.

Unless they stand between you and your pecan orchard.

Most ranchers would relocate the orchard rather than deal with the trees. Not us.

We hack them to bits and haul their dead bodies to the sawmill.

Hubs spent fourteen hours one day during the Christmas break exacting his revenge for every cut, stab, and poke that he has endured from the Honey Locusts.

And the results were beautiful.

I wish we could have left it unfinished, but it would have lasted only two seasons under the harsh Texas sun.

Hubs used a plan from Ana White and made the table 30″ wide instead of 36″ to fit our second-story porch. I sanded it down with 50, 80, 120, 220 and 320 grit pads before sealing it with a deck stain and sealer since it will have to endure harsh weather conditions. We bought 8 wrought-iron-look plastic folding chairs from Sam’s Club.

The red is from the wood, the toner/sealer had no red in it.

The felled wood laid by the wood pile for a long while, allowing the carpenter ants to burrow those cool holes through the rock-hard wood. A pain to stain, but worth the effort. A strong solid piece of furniture built solely from the extermination of the enemy.

A win-win I’d say.


  1. Very cool story and neat table! <br /><br />Steven Jones<br />Philips Healthcare

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