I am sick of being sick.
Illness has been in my house almost constantly since the beginning of December. Unbelievable, really, since I am well known as a sanitizing Nazi.
Shoes get left at the door. Backpacks get washed or Lysol-ed frequently. Screams of, “Did you wash your hands?” hit every child as he walks out of the bathroom. And I carry hand sanitizer in the car to be used as soon as anyone enters.
Not the little travel bottle either… the commercial size.

My floor and hand-held steamers wouldn’t fit in the picture. Overkill? Not in my house.

So imagine my frustration when every week, some member of the household wakes up with a fever that lasts at least four days. We have had the pre-flu, the real flu, the post flu, and sinus infections. I am sure that my photo is on some sort of government list for the length of time I have been buying Mucinex D.
“No, Officer, I’m not a meth-maker. I just have kids.”
Kids who, I now believe, are sabotaging our ability to get well.
At first, I thought it was sweet when Middle Son would offer to take food and drink to the sick person in solitary confinement. It even brought a tear to my eye when he would hug them with worry on his face. I would always feel so sorry for him when he woke up the next Monday morning with a fever. 
Then it hit me.
That little bugger was trying to get sick!
‘Cause sick in our house means a week stuck in the playroom with a cabinet full of Wii games and unlimited access to cartoons on Netflix.
When I say it “hit” me, I mean I watched dumbstruck as Youngest stared down at the 99.5 on the thermometer, smiled and said, “Yes!” Then ran up the stairs yelling, “Sam, it worked!”
At that moment, it came flooding back to me: all the times Middle and Youngest accidentally drank out of a contaminated glass, or whoops covered up with a sick person’s blanket or oh no finished an infected, half-eaten grilled cheese.
What is a mom to do?
Do they sell those Hazmat showers to lay people? Would it be wrong to make everyone scrub down before they entered your house?
Hubby could probably plumb for it in the entryway. He’s handy like that.
I’ll ask him as soon as he his fever goes away.